Sometimes I hate being in college, and I mean not for the reasons that you might be thinking of. College life has really brought out the best and worse things about me. For instance, being in college has helped me to develop my own spiritual support community that will help and convict me in certain areas of my spiritual life. However, college has brought this ugly and yucky thing in my life, and I've tried for the longest of times to hide it, keep it under control, even get rid of it, but I can't do any of these things to it. It's driving me insane!
Recently I had to have a medical procedure done to check my health (everything from the test turned out to be normal). One of my cousins that stay close to me was willing to drop her activities for a day just to take me. On our ride to the doctor's office, we began to talk about what procedure I was getting done and symptoms that I've been having for a long time now. In a few posts back I mentioned my health problems in passing, but in my conversation that day before the procedure, I found out that the same symptoms I was having weren't uncommon for my family. All of the symptoms were related back to stress, something that I experience quite often.
The thing that I've tried so desperately to get rid of is the need to be perfect. When I say perfect, I'm not just talking about my grades in school, although they are important. I'm talking about being perfect in EVERYTHING: my spiritual walk with God, grades in school, having a social and personal life, etc. I need to have everything done in its proper place and time. But do I really need such a perfect life, especially a so-called perfect life in this way? I don't think so.
So often in my attempts to be perfect, better yet, be everything for everyone around me, I fail, and I fail on epic proportions! Instead of relying on God, I build a bunch of false confidence in myself that makes me believe that I can accomplish the task ahead of me, when actually I have no strength at all without Him. I'm not here to say that having confidence is a bad thing, because it actually is a foundation for doing great things for God. However, lacking a strong, firm foundation in God, our emotions will be easily swayed. Our hope is to be found in Christ alone. Let us strive seek God's will knowing this.
In whatever situation that we encounter, know that God has given us every ability to face it head on. He's always with us and will never forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), and whether or not we succeed or fail doesn't define our identity in Christ. Our identity in Christ has already been established through Jesus' finished work on the Cross. When we fail to live in light of this mighty truth, doubt and fear can overwhelm us. Know that our God is greater and stronger than any obstacle before us, and although we may fail in things that temporarily seems to matter the greatest to us, we can be content to know that whether in the good or bad, ups and downs, abundance or in lack, God can and will fulfill His purpose and will (Philippians 4: 11-13).
"Failures" may weigh heavy on your heart for a moment, but God is capable to use these moments to refine our faith in Him, bringing Him the ultimate glory.
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